Mr Ben

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Posts by Mr Ben

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  9

  FOUND: the computer "code" of our cre...

  by speechless in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  in the beginning there was the computer.

  and god said.

  c:\let there be light.. enter user id.. c:\god.

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  Mr Ben

  And then God installed Windows v1.1, and really fucked things up...

  And God saw that it was very good.

  Religion n.
  An organisation designed to promote atheism.
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  22

  My girlfriend is funny...

  by Abaddon in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ... on the news yesterday they announced that president bush had made a statement regarding the elections in zimbabwe, that they were 'severely flawed' or something, and that the result shouldn't stand.

  this caused her much amusement.

  i know there's not that much of a comparison, but it's funny how people forget, isn't it?.

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  Mr Ben

  Hmmm,

  That was excellent! Wish I had thought of it! LOLOLOL!

  Religion n.
  An organisation designed to promote atheism.
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  1

  Backtracking ... oooh

  by Simon in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  remember al the wts rumours about backtracking in popular music and hidden messages?

  who'd have guessed they actually got something right!.

  i may have posted this before but it always impresses me:.

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  Mr Ben

  Funny, it was this album that convinced me to become a JW...

  Scary Ben
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  15

  Questions for witnesses

  by sleepy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  here's a list of questions i compiled a while ago, for any new ones or lurkers to answer if they can.. i'm sure theres plenty more that could be added.. questions?.

  1. gentile times.. a. why do we believe in such a thing as the gentile times?

  this arises as it is not specifically mentioned in the bible as described by jehovahs witnesses.. b. why do we calculate that they start with the destruction of jerusalem in 607 b.c.e.?

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  Mr Ben

  Sleepy, excellent post.

  If you do not get answers perhaps it is because the answers would make the faithful JW too uncomfortable. Nevertheless, as you say, a number of lurkers may derive great benefit.

  Religion n.
  An organisation designed to promote atheism.
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  14

  Bible Contradition: Cursing the Fig Tree

  by JosephAlward in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  the contradiction below is just one among a great many which show that the bible cannot be trusted to give an accurate account of jesus life.. mark believes that jesus cursed the fig tree before he drove the merchants from the temple:.

  the next day as they were leaving bethany, jesus..said to the tree, "may no one ever eat fruit from you again.

  " (mark 11:12-14).

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  Mr Ben

  Joseph,

  It should be perfectly clear to all thinking people that when the bible is “wrong” it proof of God’s humility in allowing imperfect men to write down his thoughts for Him. That He does not constantly correct this is proof that we need to have faith! Yes, God is testing us with regard to faith! Only you can believe two apparently contradictory things simultaneously will have won the victory over yourself, and will love the Father.

  I will pray for you,

  Yo Yo Ben

  Religion n.
  An organisation designed to promote atheism.
• 
  11

  How we can all help...

  by Abaddon in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ... simon.... simon is no doubt working on some wonderful revisons that will aloow us to do all sorts of funky things on the new board, that might cut down on the shit storms.. but, we already have a rating feature, that is rarely used.. if you read a thread that sucks, that is back-biting, bickering, or just plain mean and dumb, give it a 1.. that way, everyone can avoid the '1' threads.. use it to give kudos too, and mark other threads as you think appropriate.. i actually think it would be cool if you had to rate a thread.

  i'm sure simon's sick to his back teeth of patrolling the school yard during break-times, so to speak, and if we use the features we've already got, we can help.

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  Mr Ben

  Ok, it was me, I confess.

  I rated this a 5!

  Religion n.
  An organisation designed to promote atheism.
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  2

  The new Flame War

  by Mr Ben in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  you are all very naughty boys and girls.

  i am therefore commissioning the great flame war of the last days.. all the naughty boys and all the naughty girls are to face each other across a large bonfire on the hills at midnight, naked, of course.

  all the naughty girls are then to dance around the flames and all the naughty boys are to spank them as they go by.. as part of your penance you will then conjure this image into your mind every time you see the flame wars flare, and you must invite the person flaming you round to your place to give you another spankin.

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  Mr Ben

  Ooh ooh! Tassle whips!

  Now bend over you naughty girl, let me assist you with your, erm, education!

  Religion n.
  An organisation designed to promote atheism.
• 
  2

  The new Flame War

  by Mr Ben in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  you are all very naughty boys and girls.

  i am therefore commissioning the great flame war of the last days.. all the naughty boys and all the naughty girls are to face each other across a large bonfire on the hills at midnight, naked, of course.

  all the naughty girls are then to dance around the flames and all the naughty boys are to spank them as they go by.. as part of your penance you will then conjure this image into your mind every time you see the flame wars flare, and you must invite the person flaming you round to your place to give you another spankin.

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  Mr Ben

  You are all very naughty boys and girls. I am therefore commissioning the great Flame War of the last days.

  All the naughty boys and all the naughty girls are to face each other across a large bonfire on the hills at midnight, naked, of course. All the naughty girls are then to dance around the flames and all the naughty boys are to spank them as they go by.

  As part of your penance you will then conjure this image into your mind every time you see the flame wars flare, and you must invite the person flaming you round to your place to give you another spankin’

  Headmaster Ben,
  With spankin’ cane a-ready!

  Religion n.
  An organisation designed to promote atheism.
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  10

  What is your favourite spliff music?

  by Mr Ben in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  a nice pure weed joint, a cold can of guiness.... what music would you recommend?

  - far over, by burning spear.

  cool reggae riffs.. - green, by steve hillage.

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  Mr Ben

  Thank you all,

  I have already acquired one of the recommendations!

  Mr Ben...chillin'

  Religion n.
  An organisation designed to promote atheism.
• 
  38

  JW's Offer Me A Plea Bargain.

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i havent mentioned this before because, when it happened i was quite rattled.. there was a knock at the door a little while back, and who should be stood there but john dayment, the fella who used to be my dads assistant when he was po of weston super mare, back in the 60s.. he had with him another chappy, i think that his name was rod something, and they both launched into how good it would be to see me make my way back.

  apparently they were both elders, and this was my once a year visit.

  i was disinclined to be rude because my mum is still in contact with john hey, for all i know he might be my step-father one day!

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  Mr Ben

  WANTED! DEAD OR ALIVE!

  Name: Englishman

  Appearance: Horns, forked tail. Often seen with strange evil potion sporting a frothy head.

  Do not approach unless spiritually qualified. Highly dangerous to to narrow minded bigots. Likely to react to Orwellian dictators with unswerving logic and independent thinking! [/i]

  REWARD FOR RE-INDOCTRINATION - £1,000,000

  Brother Ben,
  Room 101 Ministry of Truth

  Religion n.[/i]
  An organisation designed to promote atheism.